A first draft of this song was written during and performed by Shan at the inaugural MuSiCale in May 2025. This lyric sheet is an edited version.
Scrabble Loser
(to the tune of “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen)
I once set the world record
For high-scoring opening word
But you don’t really care for MUZJIKS, do ya?
So, I was lucky and made Guinness
But she was a plucky child genius
It’s baffling but she overcame that doozer
I barely knew her,
but she called me a “boomer”
I know that to her,
I was a Looo-ser
So, when I met you, I was full of dread
U had Q and blank then Zed
Y, I was F-ed when QUIZzIFY# came to ya
I challenged it just out of spite
It’s in the book, but that’s not right
I looked like such a fool at the computer
You spoiled my tourney,
made me a Looo-ser
But my attorney,
says I can’t suuue ya
I am so mad and dizzy, bah!
I cram vocab with ZYZZYVA
This time I’ll exact my revenge unto ya
The bag is empty–I check my track
It’s ugly vowels on your rack
I can sense my win in reach and shout out BOOYAH!
Defeating you sir,
beating you fair and square,
Now you are due fer
being the Looo-ser!
As long as you can’t go out
My victory won’t be in doubt
I’ve cashed in with twos like QI, JO, XU, ZA
Well, maybe there are tile gods
Who heard me gloat and changed the odds
Because suddenly you cleared all 7 with OUGUIYA
OUGUIYA?! What the heck’s OUGUIYA?!
Is that a new word? Or am I just a Looo-ser?
Scrabble Looo-ser
*sobs uncontrollably*